(Source: allison-chains, via maxterbate)
before you have sex with me you have to earn it
take these two potatoes and this goat and bring them to the river valley where you will meet an old gypsy named madam zeroni. carry madam zeroni back up the mountain on your back and allow her to drink from the stream while you sing for her. she will give you a necklace of beads. return them to me to complete the quest.
(via maxterbate)
Friends with mean and overprotective parents
when they are so overprotective you guys can hardly hang out
(via maxterbate)
Always remember that you are not worthless, organs are extremely expensive on the black market
(via maxterbate)
